LESSON 4: Habits for Harmony
Habits that lead to conflict are shifted.
• Saying no automatically
• Being in charge
• Bullying
The 1 Rule shifts everyone’s goals. The primary goal is now finding that happy
agreement. It actually expands everyone's goals. Now it is important to find a solution that
each person can agree to because it is something that they like, something that they
want, something that is satisfying and fulfilling to them.
It is not just settling for second best, or giving up on having something you really want.
And you only use the 1 Rule when differences are leading to conflict. It is a path back to
harmony. That’s all.
One of the common habits that contributes to conflict is the adult’s habit of saying ‘no’
automatically to what kids want as soon as the kids ask. Using the 1 Rule eliminates this
habit so it is no longer a player. If you had this habit, you may notice that saying ‘no’
might still be your first impulse, but it will vanish as you get used to using the 1 Rule.
Another habit that can contribute to conflict is the adult’s habit of being in charge. This is
another habit that vanishes as you get used to using the 1 Rule. You’ll see that finding
agreement is such a satisfying habit to develop. It relieves the stress of having to be in
charge. And as you experience the enjoyment and relief of coming to happy agreements,
you’ll be so glad you adopted this new harmonious habit.
Another habit that can be transformed by the 1 Rule is the habit of being a bully. This is
closely related to the habit of always being in charge. A bully is someone who has the
habit of taking charge of other people, whether those people agree with this or not. I’m
sure you can see how the 1 Rule changes this habit. The new habit is finding happy
agreement with whoever is involved. No bully there.
Questions
1. If you have any of these habits, think of a situation where the habit arises, mentally tell
yourself, ‘now I use the 1 Rule.’ Do you see that situation changing? In what ways?
2. Repeat this with various situations until the thought of using the 1 Rule comes before
the habit (you are creating a new habit).
Habits that lead to conflict are shifted.
• Saying no automatically
• Being in charge
• Bullying
The 1 Rule shifts everyone’s goals. The primary goal is now finding that happy
agreement. It actually expands everyone's goals. Now it is important to find a solution that
each person can agree to because it is something that they like, something that they
want, something that is satisfying and fulfilling to them.
It is not just settling for second best, or giving up on having something you really want.
And you only use the 1 Rule when differences are leading to conflict. It is a path back to
harmony. That’s all.
One of the common habits that contributes to conflict is the adult’s habit of saying ‘no’
automatically to what kids want as soon as the kids ask. Using the 1 Rule eliminates this
habit so it is no longer a player. If you had this habit, you may notice that saying ‘no’
might still be your first impulse, but it will vanish as you get used to using the 1 Rule.
Another habit that can contribute to conflict is the adult’s habit of being in charge. This is
another habit that vanishes as you get used to using the 1 Rule. You’ll see that finding
agreement is such a satisfying habit to develop. It relieves the stress of having to be in
charge. And as you experience the enjoyment and relief of coming to happy agreements,
you’ll be so glad you adopted this new harmonious habit.
Another habit that can be transformed by the 1 Rule is the habit of being a bully. This is
closely related to the habit of always being in charge. A bully is someone who has the
habit of taking charge of other people, whether those people agree with this or not. I’m
sure you can see how the 1 Rule changes this habit. The new habit is finding happy
agreement with whoever is involved. No bully there.
Questions
1. If you have any of these habits, think of a situation where the habit arises, mentally tell
yourself, ‘now I use the 1 Rule.’ Do you see that situation changing? In what ways?
2. Repeat this with various situations until the thought of using the 1 Rule comes before
the habit (you are creating a new habit).
| Lesson 4 |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |