LESSON 2: Agreement NOT Sacrifice
Of all that I’ve discovered and created to create harmony with kids, the 1 Rule is the
simplest and most powerful strategy I’ve come across so far. It’s a clear, simple version
of what I actually did to create harmony with kids, my kids, their friends, the kids I worked
with.
The 1 Rule is not to make you agree, it is to help you, support you, as you find
something that you all easily agree to. Too often the habit is to insist on what you want
no matter what anyone else wants, or to give in to others, no matter what you want.
The 1 Rule changes this.
When you become aware that there are differences between you, decide to use the
1 Rule to find a harmonious solution to your differences. You are not giving up on your
personal desire, you are expanding it to include someone else, like your child.
The 1 Rule expands everyone’s goal to include harmony and the satisfaction of all
involved.
When you use the 1 Rule, you are committed to finding a solution that everyone involved
can agree to because it is a solution that is satisfying to everyone.
This is what you commit to when you use the 1 Rule:
Everyone involved happily agrees with the solution. That is the rule.
I call it Happy Agreement.
Today just think about this. Neither you nor your kids are expected to have to agree to
something you do not like, or that is disappointing.
You agree to something that you like, that pleases you.
Once you are convinced that the 1 Rule is as strong as I know it to be, you know you can
rely on it to get you back to harmony with the kids in your life.
The 1 Rule is so powerful, just using it can help you get to harmony. Of course, you
have to use it.
You can’t just know about it and not use it.
However, I just became aware of something: knowing about it is like planting a seed.
Just knowing about it is the seed that changes how things were. You now know that
something exists that might help you create harmony with or between your kids.
If it’s used.
Most likely, eventually, you’ll use it. Someday you’ll have to give it a try.
If you take it as far as telling your kids about it, they are very likely to use it. At least that
has been my experience with kids.
In fact, that might be a good strategy: tell your kids about The 1 Rule and how it works
AND tell them you want to use it but might forget or not be able to…SO…you hope they’ll
help you out by remembering and actually putting it to use.
When you make The 1 Rule a common way to interact with your kids and help your kids
use the 1 Rule to find their own solutions, you have done a lot toward making harmony
the foundation of your family.
Questions
1. Think of a situation you would like to solve using the 1 Rule.
2. How would you like the situation to be solved?
3. Write this down, if you wish.
4. What is another way you might like it to be solved?
5. Think of another way it might be solved.
6. Repeat this process with as many situations as you like.
Bonus: Agree to Disagree
One of the common responses to Agreement is the concept of agree to disagree. Adults
find it hard to believe that people can come to agreement easily. It is not the most
common practice. However, children, young children especially, find it very easy and
natural to come to agreement. They have no resistance. They just find agreement.
However, agreeing to disagree can be one step toward finding agreement as easily as
children. However, usually adults do not agree to disagree with kids. They expect kids to
obey, to do what they are told no matter what they want. This is the norm.
However, when it comes to using the 1 Rule, adults can agree to disagree with kids or
find agreement. Remember you are both expanding to include what the other person
wants and to consider it as important as what you want.
Of all that I’ve discovered and created to create harmony with kids, the 1 Rule is the
simplest and most powerful strategy I’ve come across so far. It’s a clear, simple version
of what I actually did to create harmony with kids, my kids, their friends, the kids I worked
with.
The 1 Rule is not to make you agree, it is to help you, support you, as you find
something that you all easily agree to. Too often the habit is to insist on what you want
no matter what anyone else wants, or to give in to others, no matter what you want.
The 1 Rule changes this.
When you become aware that there are differences between you, decide to use the
1 Rule to find a harmonious solution to your differences. You are not giving up on your
personal desire, you are expanding it to include someone else, like your child.
The 1 Rule expands everyone’s goal to include harmony and the satisfaction of all
involved.
When you use the 1 Rule, you are committed to finding a solution that everyone involved
can agree to because it is a solution that is satisfying to everyone.
This is what you commit to when you use the 1 Rule:
Everyone involved happily agrees with the solution. That is the rule.
I call it Happy Agreement.
Today just think about this. Neither you nor your kids are expected to have to agree to
something you do not like, or that is disappointing.
You agree to something that you like, that pleases you.
Once you are convinced that the 1 Rule is as strong as I know it to be, you know you can
rely on it to get you back to harmony with the kids in your life.
The 1 Rule is so powerful, just using it can help you get to harmony. Of course, you
have to use it.
You can’t just know about it and not use it.
However, I just became aware of something: knowing about it is like planting a seed.
Just knowing about it is the seed that changes how things were. You now know that
something exists that might help you create harmony with or between your kids.
If it’s used.
Most likely, eventually, you’ll use it. Someday you’ll have to give it a try.
If you take it as far as telling your kids about it, they are very likely to use it. At least that
has been my experience with kids.
In fact, that might be a good strategy: tell your kids about The 1 Rule and how it works
AND tell them you want to use it but might forget or not be able to…SO…you hope they’ll
help you out by remembering and actually putting it to use.
When you make The 1 Rule a common way to interact with your kids and help your kids
use the 1 Rule to find their own solutions, you have done a lot toward making harmony
the foundation of your family.
Questions
1. Think of a situation you would like to solve using the 1 Rule.
2. How would you like the situation to be solved?
3. Write this down, if you wish.
4. What is another way you might like it to be solved?
5. Think of another way it might be solved.
6. Repeat this process with as many situations as you like.
Bonus: Agree to Disagree
One of the common responses to Agreement is the concept of agree to disagree. Adults
find it hard to believe that people can come to agreement easily. It is not the most
common practice. However, children, young children especially, find it very easy and
natural to come to agreement. They have no resistance. They just find agreement.
However, agreeing to disagree can be one step toward finding agreement as easily as
children. However, usually adults do not agree to disagree with kids. They expect kids to
obey, to do what they are told no matter what they want. This is the norm.
However, when it comes to using the 1 Rule, adults can agree to disagree with kids or
find agreement. Remember you are both expanding to include what the other person
wants and to consider it as important as what you want.
| Lesson 2 |
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