FOR PARENTS OF TWO-YEAR-OLDS
Chapter Eleven
Transitional Twos: The Age of Willpower
It is important to understand that human beings of this age are developing willpower, which, if properly developed, will serve them well
for the rest of their lives.
Willpower has many important functions:
- It is the power behind wanting, wishing and desiring
- It is the power of determination, of commitment
- It is the power that motivates you to action
- It is the power to persevere, to carry through
Two year olds are constantly practicing, doing their best to create well-developed willpower which is then put at the service of their
intelligence. Their intelligence, if not thwarted by adults, is at the service of their inner guidance. Then the will is used to want what
best serves the developing human being, and to persevere on the chosen path.
A two year old can be very easy to live with when treated with respect. They need to make as many of their own decisions as
they can. Whenever possible, follow their lead. If you want them to make a different choice, encourage them by pointing out what they
might find interesting and challenging about your choice. If you don’t want a major struggle, offer the alternative before they have
become determined to pursue their choice.
Only a two year old who is frequently thwarted and prevented from making their own decisions might consistently, obstinately hold on
to a choice no matter what other options are offered. If a two year old is very insistent that they must do something, then it is good, if at
all possible, that they fulfill their needs.
What are the noble qualities of two year olds?
- They are eager for life, for experiences
- They forgive easily
- They love easily
- They are honest
- They are determined to follow their inner guidance
- They can experience joy
- They can experience wonder
- By their actions they can help guide you on the path of the heart
Respectfully Living With A Two Year Old
Interest is the key. Encourage your child to do the tasks that attract them as soon as they show interest. Their work may not be up
to your expectations of perfection, but they can improve with practice. You can offer them jobs that are simple and specific, with clear,
physical evidence of proper completion. For example:
- All their clean clothes put in their drawer
- All their toys picked up off the floor and put in their places on the shelf
- The hammer put back in the toolbox
- A small bag of groceries carried from the car to the kitchen
This enables them to judge for themselves whether they have completed the task satisfactorily.
Although an adult does activities for an outer purpose, a two year old child does them for an inner purpose, to coordinate their
intelligence, their will and their movements in accordance with their inner motivation. This integrates them as human beings.
An adult wipes a table because the adult decides that the table needs wiping. The child wipes the table because they need to wipe the
table. They may wipe it for half an hour until they are inwardly satisfied and they no longer need to wipe it.
Do your best not to interrupt your child’s activity cycles. If you must, you can prepare them by telling them your needs, and, if possible,
giving them enough time to complete their cycle of activity. Only they can decide when they are done, but they happily accommodate
your needs if you are in the habit of accommodating theirs.
When you notice that your child is making a mistake that is not a harmful one, if possible, don’t correct them right then. Wait until they
are finished doing that activity and offer to show them how to do it in a “different way”. It is also important to use this process when they
pronounce a word incorrectly. Tell them the proper word later, without referring to their past mistake. For example, “I’d like to show you
a way to fold those so that they all fit in the box” or “This is a pineapple. Would you like to eat some pineapple?”
Often two year olds use quality names incorrectly, such as colors and numbers. They are showing that they are aware of color words
and number words and how to use them, not that they know the correct name. Handle these “mistakes” using the procedure described
above.
Notice what interests them, what they are eager to do. Provide opportunities for them to have as many of the desired experiences as
possible. These may indicate talents to be developed or skills to be acquired for the optimum development of their potential.
Do your best not to interfere when a child is doing a loved activity or any activity that seems to involve them in deep concentration
(when they are so intent on what they are doing that they are not really aware of what else is going on). These times of concentration,
times of focus, when the whole person is engaged, are essential in the development of an integrated personality.
Do not do for your child what they wish to do for themselves, however difficult or beyond their abilities the task seems to be. It is these
challenges that bring about concentration and help the child integrate their personality, helping them become a person who knows
what they need, how to manifest it and has the perseverance to carry through.
If you can avoid it, do not talk in front of your child as if they were not there. If you must discuss something about them, include them in
the discussion, as you would if it were an adult friend.
When a two year old gets hurt, it helps them when you acknowledge that they are hurt. For example, “Oh, you hurt your finger. I’m very
sorry you got hurt.” They just need to know that you understand what they are feeling. They don’t necessarily need you to make a big
deal over it, but they can’t relate when someone tells them that they are not hurt, when they know that they are. That can turn a little
hurt into a big one just to get the point across. If it is a minor hurt, your acknowledgement is often enough for them to let it go and
carry on.
Making Choices
Two year olds are very busy creating the components of strong and well-functioning will power:
- The ability to want
- The ability to be determined
- The ability to persevere
- Putting all these abilities at the service of their intelligence
It is almost impossible for them to do anything that is contrary to this
However, knowing this makes it easier to work with them.
You can help change the direction of a two year old’s will if you catch it early enough
Give them opportunities to cooperate with you
Tell them how much you appreciate their help
Two year olds like to work and to be helpful, useful, needed
Be alert
Quickly offer them an alternative on which to practice ‘willing’ when what they first choose does not agree with you
Once they become fixed on something, then the other practices come into play, ‘being determined’ and ‘persevering’
At this point your suggestion has to be really attractive to them for them to change
Otherwise, it’s easier and more peaceful, if it’s possible for you to do this, to go along with them, looking for the first opportunity to
change their direction
Remember, this period is very important in human development
It doesn’t last very long if they get to do it properly
Though I know that it can seem eternal when you’re right in the middle of it
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