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| Happy Kids Newsletter Month Seven There are images in the actual Newsletter that cannot be added here, but some of the links are active. |
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| Help Your Child Welcome Your New Baby Hi -- So you are expecting...or have another baby and you want to make sure that the child you already have continues to be happy and welcomes the new baby. The following information concerned a specific situation, but I'm sure you'll find it relevant and helpful. If you have more questions, be sure to click the link at the end of the newsletter and get your question answered. Q: "We have a new baby and a four year old son. What can we do so that our children don't suffer from sibling rivalry?" A.B., Whittier, CA A: Help your son have as active role in welcoming the new baby into the family as he wants to have. He may want to participate a lot or only a little. If he wants to be very involved, let his particular interests and abilities guide his activities: · Ask for his help. · He can fetch things for the care of the baby. · If you have a cradle, he can rock the baby. · He can make pictures to decorate the baby's place. · He can choose music to play for the baby. . He can tell the baby about what he has done each day. · He might like to help dress the baby, and even help change the baby's diaper. Very often children want to hold newborn babies. Encourage him to sit while holding the baby, but if he really wants to hold the baby while standing and even walking, don't be afraid. He is strong and competent enough to hold such a tiny person. Just stay nearby in case either one of them needs some help. This could be a valuable form of bonding for both of them. Of course, it is important that he understands that the baby is a person just like everyone else, with needs and wishes which must be taken into account. If his parents keep this in mind and practice it with the baby and with him, then he is most likely to do so also. Remember that the parents' behavior is their children's prime example of proper behavior. If you want them to cooperate with each other and with you, then you must habitually cooperate with them. Make sure you both and each spend special time with your son. Do things with him that he really likes to do. Now is a good time to offer him experiences that he has not had before, but might enjoy and find stimulating and satisfying. Even if you didn't make special time for him before the baby came, now it is important that you do so. Otherwise you can find your time being taken up with the baby and the usual life tasks, and your son will get pushed aside, not intentionally, of course. Help him come to associate the baby's coming with more satisfaction and fulfillment rather than less. Encourage your son to make his own decisions. Encourage his independence and his competence, but let him go at his own pace. Faithfully practice respectful interactions with him. The more he develops himself and his life, the less he'll be bothered by the inevitable loss of some of your attention. Babies take time and attention, as well as love and protection, and don't forget very early mornings and sleepless nights. If he wants to be a baby again for a while, let him. Let him suck a bottle if he wants to, and have a special blanket or stuffy. If you resist his need to do this, he could carry on with it longer than he might otherwise, in defense of his need to do what he needs to do. You might talk with him about how he feels about people coming to see the new baby, maybe even bringing gifts for the baby but not for him. If this is a problem for him, together you can come up with solutions which are satisfying for all of you. It is time for the father to bond with the baby while you spend time with your son, and a time for your son to explore the other loving people in his life besides you and his father: other relatives, neighbors, friends, his and yours. If he has not learned this already, it is a good time for him to learn that other people can help satisfy his needs, and can offer loving support. Make sure that these people practice respectful interactions with him. Respect In Action The following is an example from the appendix of my ebook Good Parent Good Kids. Janine knows how to maintain being respectful to her child even in a difficult situation. Respect In Action "Waaa!" Janine looks up from her work at the sound of the baby's cry. She sees that Pauline has just taken Drew's bottle. She gets up and goes over to comfort Drew. She knows that it's important to comfort those who are suffering, and that there are as many sides to a story as people involved. She wants to make sure that Pauline takes Drew's trouble seriously, and that they work out a harmonious solution. "Pauline, Drew really didn't like it when you took his bottle. He wasn't done with it." "I wan' it." "I can understand that you want it, but so does Drew and he was using it until you took it away." "No! Him not using it. Him jus' ho'ding it, not suckeen it." "You think because he wasn't sucking it that he didn't want it anymore?" "Yes." "Did you ask him to give it to you, and hold your hands out so he could put it in them?" "I do that, but him not give it." "Then it might be better to offer Drew something else to hold if you want to suck on the bottle. It's not good to take something away from him until he is happy to let you do it. I would like you to give the bottle back to him and go find something else he might like to hold, so he will trade with you." "But I wan' tuh suck a botto now." "I understand, and you are sucking the bottle. I will get you another bottle, but it makes Drew feel bad for you to have the one he was using. I think it would be good for you to give it back to him. Then I can help you." "I wanna suck this botto." "I don't like it when you take things away from Drew. I don't like it when he feels bad." "I not like it when Karla take my botto." "Oh, Karla took your bottle and you didn't like it?" "Yes, at Karla house, her took my botto. I sad. I cry. She not give it back. She suck it all up." "Oh, Pauline, I'm so sorry that Karla did that. I don't like you to feel bad either. Come here; let me give you a hug. I will talk to Karla's mother so she can help you if Karla does that again." Janine was not at all surprised to find an experience like this at the bottom of Pauline's action, because both she and her husband work hard to be respectful with both children at all times. "I not suck all Drew's botto. I give it back. I get mine in ferrigerator." "Thank you so much, Pauline. I'm sure Drew would thank you if he could talk. Do you need any help?" "No, I get it. I hungry, Mommy." "Let's make lunch, shall we?" "Yeah, I help." Keeping It Respectful The Power of Respect: In this column the reader is offered practical, respectful options leading to win-win solutions to the problems arising between adults and children in everyday life. If you want to ask a question use this link: Click Here to Ask Empowering A Young Child Q: "I'm very interested in empowering my youngest daughter. Do you have any suggestions?" L.L., Redway A: It can be easy for a younger child to develop low self-esteem because everyone else in the family seems to be more capable, stronger, faster, since these qualities are often valued: · "Let me do that. I can do it faster and we're in a hurry." · "You can't play. You're too little." · "That's too heavy for you." If you have found this to be the case in your family, you can help her by noticing what she does do well. Point this out to her and encourage her to do these things even if it takes longer or is not done quite "right": · "I love it when you are so kind to our kitties." · "Thanks for weeding the flower bed." · "It helps a lot when you put all your dirty clothes in the hamper. Thanks." She may not notice what she does well and may not give herself credit. She may value herself as the 'baby' in the family, being weak and letting others have power over her and her life. Encourage her to do what she loves; help create these opportunities for her. When she wants to try new things, be as positive and supportive as possible. If you say anything at all about it, be sure to be encouraging. Place emphasis on the attempt, the process, and not the results. · "That was a great try." · "Your throwing arm seems to be stronger than it was last week. Keep up the good work." · "We all make mistakes, especially when we're learning something new. Mistakes tell us what we need to change to do it better." Results improve with practice, with repetition, with improving our technique. When value is placed on results, too often we become discouraged and quit when our first attempts don't give the results we want. Be sure you practice win-win solutions faithfully with her, take the time, make the effort. This tells her that she is worth this time and effort and that you value her input and her needs. When a decision involves her be sure she agrees with it, too. This might mean that she is involved in the decision making process, though not necessarily. If you do make a decision that involves her without discussing it with her first, perhaps letting her know what went into the decision will be enough to make her feel good about it. However, if she is not content with the decision, be prepared to revise it until it is agreeable to both of you. Power of Respect Question: What plans have you made to help your child welcome a new baby? Click Here to Ask: get your question answered in a future newsletter, you can also suggest topics you would like covered Next Month: Dealing with chores and keeping the harmony in your family... May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Sign Up For Happy Kids Newsletter! Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon We value your privacy and we're not going to rent, trade, share or sell your information to anyone. If you want to read the details of the privacy policy, you can read them here. 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| Another Video With A Powerful Secret To Help You Be Happy Your Self Respect This secret can help you improve in all areas of your life, not only with your kids and in your family, but in every area of your life where you want to see it getting yes-better. This secret concerns self-respect and doing what suits you... Click Here To Watch Video On Your Self Respect May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
Your Child's Time Of Formation Hi -- "Consider some of the noble characteristics of infancy: The ability to live in the present The ability to love The ability to communicate non-verbally Physical beauty Fearlessness Spontaneity Their ability to live from their center The ability to forgive effortlessly * * * There are many reasons to admire your babies. A.M. Joosten says that besides admiring them, we can also recognize, according to Dr. Maria Montessori, "that (0-6 years) is the time when man's intelligence...is being formed... But not only his intelligence; the full totality of his psychic powers...At no other age has the child greater need of intelligent help, and any obstacle that impedes his creative work will lessen the chance he has of achieving perfection." (excerpt from the ebook Good Parent Good Kids) May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
The Power of Respect In this column the reader is offered practical, respectful options leading to win-win solutions to the problems arising between adults and children in everyday life. Q. "We've read some of your columns. We've never treated our children any different than our parents treated us, but we're considering trying out some of what you've said. Our oldest daughter is nine, our son is six and our youngest daughter is three. We have no idea how to get started. What do you suggest?" H.R., Briceland A: Start with a family meeting. Be sure to find a time when it is convenient for everyone. Make sure that everyone is feeling good and unstressed. If someone is in a bad mood, it is better to deal with that problem before starting the meeting. Ask them what help they need to be in a good mood for the meeting. At the meeting explain that you want to solve problems differently in your family than you have in the past. Say clearly how you think they have been solved in the past. Ask if this seems right to everyone else. After you have reached an understanding, tell your children what you don't want to do any more. Explain that from now on you would like it if everyone would do their best to solve problems in ways that feel good to everyone involved. If you and your mate could have a short example of some disagreement that you solved using brainstorming, and negotiating a win-win solution, you can offer to tell them that as an example. Then ask if any of the children has a problem that they would like to share so that everyone could practice with it as a starter. Reassure them that this new way of doing things means that you end up with an answer that everyone involved feels good about. Wait for one of them to come up with an idea. Then tell them that you have an idea in mind if one of them can't come up with an idea. Then wait again. It is good if one of the children can come up with a suggestion, but it's not essential. Maybe they need to see this process at work for them to trust that it will be good for them. Let's say you all decide to deal with bedtimes, or meal times, or chores. Be sure you have paper and pen. For this first time it might be best for one of the adults to do the writing because they will be able to write down the ideas more quickly. You don't want to lose the children to boredom. However, if one of the children wants to do the writing, and the others don't object, let them write. It can make all of the children trust the process more. Explain that during brainstorming, the person who is writing writes down all of the ideas that anyone comes up with, but that no one should worry, because only the ideas that everyone feels good about will be used. All the ideas are written down so that: · none of the ideas are forgotten · everyone feels respected for their contribution · when ideas are flowing because none of them are blocked, you are more likely to discover those ideas which will solve your problem When no one can come up with any more ideas, then you start the process of negotiating. First you must eliminate all the ideas or parts of ideas that any one of you doesn't like. In the unlikely circumstance that your first brainstorming ideas are all eliminated, you can do the session again at another time, unless everyone is up for doing it then. You settle on that idea or combination of ideas that you can all agree on. You put it into practice for a limited period of time, checking back with each other to make sure it is still working. At the end of the meeting say that you would like all the fights and problems in the family to be settled this way, between you and your partner, between the children or between the children and parents. Tell the children that if they want your help to solve things just to let you know, and that if you hear them fighting you are going to ask them if they want help to find a win-win solution to the problem. This process may seem time consuming, but once everyone is practiced at it, you can eliminate the writing, and finding agreements becomes almost automatic. Then the peace in the family seems worth all the efforts at changing in the beginning. Click Here To Watch Webinar "Raise Happy Kids!" For FREE! May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
Hi -- "In your respectful family everyone takes each other's needs into account, their likes and dislikes, they work together so that everyone's needs get met. If your baby's needs seem to conflict with everyone else's, a way is found to accommodate your baby. Often it is discovered, or realized that what people thought they wanted and needed is not really that important, or it can happen in other ways, or that the timing is flexible. There are so many ways we flex and modify to accommodate when we are clear on exactly what we all need. Even when your baby's needs are unusual and extreme it is not necessary to disregard the needs they are expressing, crying in certain situations, resisting. This is how they let you know what they need or what they don't want. Pay attention and respond in a loving, respectful manner. Expand your mind and your awareness of the possibilities. There could be fifteen different ways for something to happen instead of the one that you thought of. Maybe seven of those other ways would work for your baby also. Don't think that you have to give up something. You just need to become skilled at thinking of how what you want and what they want can happen in a harmonious and satisfying manner. What you are likely to discover is that what you come up with turns out to be even more enjoyable that what you had first envisioned." (excerpt from the ebook Good Parent Good Kids) May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
When shopping with a little one, and they want to touch everything, if you have the time and energy, let them touch and hold things. Watch them to be sure the things get put back and that they do not do any damage. If you do not have time or energy, let them hold something unbreakable that you are planning to buy, either something big that needs two hands, or one thing for each hand. When they are done with that, offer them something else to hold. If you get to the checkout counter and they still want to hold the item, or items, you may have to lift them so the item can be scanned. Realize that there is always some reason for what they want. Discover it and enjoy wonderful experiences and adventures. |
