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| Happy Kids Newsletter Month Six There are images in the actual Newsletter that cannot be added here, but some of the links are active. |
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| Your Happy Kids Newsletter This is not another parenting method...this is your missing foundation...the fundamentals that simplify parenting, answer the questions that worry you...keep you up at night... trouble your heart and mind. These fundamentals help you to use any parenting methods...successfully. Imagine...No More Tantrums!... Hi -- It's time to stop struggling with kids about tantrums. The tantrum only comes when someone is not getting their needs met. They're frustrated. They're suffering. They don't know what else to do. They need to believe that you, the adult, are doing your best to understand what they want. So you need to actually do this...if you want to put an end to tantrums. This is going to take effort and attention on your part, but it is going to be so worth it! Imagine...no tantrums in the market...no tantrums whenever things don't go their way. Think of all the time and energy you spend dealing with tantrums, time and energy that you'll be able to use in different ways, pleasing ways, satisfying ways. All you need to do is to follow a few simple steps. When people whine or throw tantrums, they are only doing their best to get their needs met. Like many unpleasant situations, it is better to prevent this type of behavior than to try to stop it once it is already happening. When your child is very young, like two or three, you can do this by paying attention to them the first time, or even the second time they ask a question. When you ignore or only pretend to pay attention while you are really doing something else, your child escalates their behavior. If asking does not get your attention, pulling on your clothes might, if that does not, maybe whining will, if that doesn't, maybe crying or maybe throwing a tantrum. A very young child has not yet developed her ability to be patient to any great extent. She can develop patience more easily if she is confident that when she needs your attention, you give it. I'm not saying that you must agree to every request, or answer every question right at that moment, if that is not agreeable to you. However, if you make the extra effort when they are young, you might avoid years of dealing with whining and tantrums. If your child has often had to resort to whining or even tantrums to get your attention, eventually they give up on the preliminary attempts of asking and goes right into whining or a tantrum. Isn't that what any intelligent person does?...You do what works. If you forget to give attention promptly, or are not able to, and you hear the whine start to enter their voice, take your cue. Give them attention right away. Even apologize, "I'm sorry. I couldn't pay attention to you. What do you want?" When you're talking with your child, it helps if you put yourself at eye level with them, squat down if necessary. If your child is older and has already established the habit of whining or having tantrums to try to get their needs met, it can be very helpful to discuss this with them. Arrange to talk about this sometime when they aren't whining or having a tantrum and you are both feeling good. Explain that all you want to do is to come to some agreement that you both feel good about. During your talk, make sure that your communications are clear. Check it out. Has your child understood what you meant? Have you accurately understood what your child means? "Do you understand that I mean every day?" "Does that mean that you want me to take you any time you want to go?" Brainstorm for solutions. Write them all down with the understanding that only a solution or solutions that you both like will be acceptable. Possible Respectful Solutions: · When they want your attention, they tap you on the shoulder and wait. You look at them, nod your head and pay attention to them as soon as you can. · They'll do their best not to whine. When they whine you'll ask them not to, but you'll still pay attention as soon as you can. · You'll both do your best to find mutually satisfying solutions to all your problems. Sometimes you might not be able to reach agreement in one session, though usually the more skilled you both become, the faster you reach agreement, often taking just a few minutes or even less. The time put into discovering win-win solutions reaps a bountiful harvest in peaceful, enjoyable, trusting interactions. Another thing to consider: listen to yourself talk, and the other significant people in your child's life, their father, big sister...Any whining there? Remember children use the people who are important to them as models for their behavior. So...What Are The Steps?... Here's the first step. To create the turn-around, you have to pay very close attention to the child you are going to help. This is only because you have to turn around a habit. It's said it won't take very long to change a bad habit into a good one, yours and theirs, two weeks, three weeks, 30 days...it depends on who you are listening to. In any case, it won't take very long, and then tantrums are a thing of the past. So pay attention to that child. If possible, anticipate their needs, their requests, especially for the youngest children. Help them get into the habit of asking, of telling you their needs by getting into the habit of being immediately responsive. I'm not saying of agreeing with their requests, that's another issue, but of responding to them immediately, not making them wait so long that they decide to up their ante by going into tantrum mode. After all, is continuing your conversation or finishing the dishes at that moment more important than your child and what they need? You don't have to stop what you're doing or thinking, or saying, just pause and turn to your child, squat down or pick them up if necessary, "Just a minute, sweetie. I'll help you as soon as I'm done." Then get to a stopping point quickly, at least during the habit transition time. After the new good habits are installed, asking them to wait can go a long time, because they know that you are not just ignoring them and they know that their needs are going to be addressed soon. This simple approach will go a long way toward fixing the bad habit of tantrum, especially for a young child. This is the first step. Step two is to help them ask, help them share their needs: "I like it when you ask me" "Would you please help me?" "Next time please ask me" "I'm glad to help you" "So that's what you mean..." "So that's what you want. Thanks for telling me" Step three is to decide to find what works for everyone and to help them get into the habit of finding win-win solutions to problems. It's not just about doing what the child wants, or not doing what the child wants. It's about finding something that is truly satisfying for everyone involved: "Let's figure out something that works for both of us... Here's what I need to do." "But I don't want that. I wonder how we can solve this?..." "I do want to do that. Do you?" This can be done quite easily by going through the 7 Simple Steps To End Conflict NOW! You can find these Steps by going to the following webpage: www.happykidsco.com/end That's www.happykidsco.com/end Put your name and current email address in the box on the right and click the I Want The 7 Steps NOW! Button. This takes you to a page with the 7 Simple Steps To End Conflict NOW! You can print this out to have it handy for the meetings you will have to address their needs, or yours. Of if you prefer, there is a video mini-course that teaches you this approach. Just go to www.happykidsco.com/1sale You'll find it listed there. Imagine...you've come across a strategy that can not only stop tantrums but can also end conflict in your family for good. Keeping It Respectful! Q&A: Until I have current questions from current readers, I will answer questions that I've been asked in the past that I believe have current relevance. If you want to ask a question use this link: Click Here to Ask Grocery Shopping Marta was so glad to be getting to the market early in the day. There were guests coming for dinner and now she would be sure to get everything ready in time. Bodie, a toddler, had been very cooperative, not resisting anything she wanted to do. Marta was very grateful, knowing how difficult this would be if he were not willing to go along with her plans. While she is filling bags with bulk grains, and putting them in the cart, Bodie starts to climb out of the cart seat. "Bodie, please sit down. I'm almost done here and then I want to push the cart to a different aisle." "Down. Ou'." He continues what he is doing. Marta thinks to herself, 'Oh, dear, how frustrating. I guess it's really good that I got an early start.' "Here, Bodie, I'll help you get out. I don't want you to fall and hurt yourself." Bodie runs over to the bins. He opens one full of hulled sunflower seeds. He starts to grab some. "Bodie, here use this scoop. Let's not touch these with our hands. It can get the food dirty. I'll get a bag and you can put some in the bag." Marta quickly grabs a large bag and holds it at the edge of the bin. "Now you can scoop some seeds into the bag. Be careful and make sure the seeds go into the bag." She guides the scoop into the bag when its contents threaten to be dumped on the floor. Bodie scoops and scoops. Then he carries the scoop to another bin. This one is filled with pinto beans. Marta gets another large bag. Bodie scoops many pounds of beans into the bag. Then he goes to a bin of flour. "Bodie, look, here are some peanuts. Come scoop peanuts." His mother holds a bag for him to scoop some peanuts, choosing something else she needed at home. "Bodie, I would like to go now. I have lots of work to do at home." Bodie runs over to the rice bin. "Dis, mommy, dis." "Okay, Bodie, scoop some rice, but then I want to go somewhere else in the store. I have more things to buy." After Bodie is done scooping the rice, "Bodie, let me show you where to put the scoop and then you can help me with the rest of the shopping." After Bodie puts the scoop away, Marta starts to pick him up to put him in the cart, but he squirms out of her hands. She takes a large bag of oat cereal off the shelf. "If you don't want to ride in the cart, will you carry this for me?" She hands him the large bag. He cannot resist the challenge of carrying something that takes all of his coordination and attention to walk carrying the huge bag. His mother helps guide him when it seems he might walk into someone or something. She does the rest of her shopping as efficiently as she can. Bodie is content with the challenge of carrying the bag of oat cereal. When they reach the checkout stand, Bodie does not want to let go of the cereal bag so it can be checked through on the laser. His mother lifts him up so the cashier can get the information she needs off the bag. He does not let go of the bag until he gets home. His mother spreads out a clean sheet for him to work on, and lets him scoop the cereal into its large metal container. Then he wants to scoop it back into the bag again, but this would take Marta's help as the bag is too flimsy to stand on its own. She would have to stop her work and she really does not want to do this. Marta gets out a huge metal bowl and offers that to him for his scooping. That is satisfactory. He scoops from the container to the bowl and back again, repeating and repeating his chosen work. He gets a focused activity that helps him integrate his personality and Marta gets her work done in plenty of time. Power of Respect Question: Have you ever had to deal with a tantrum? What are you going to do to avoid this? Click Here to Ask: get your question answered in a future newsletter, you can also suggest topics you want covered Next Month: Making A New Baby Welcomed By Your Other Child... May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Sign Up For Happy Kids Newsletter! Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon We value your privacy and we're not going to rent, trade, share or sell your information to anyone. If you want to read the details of the privacy policy, you can read them here. Contact Us Privacy Statement Copyright (c) 2011, 2012, 2014 Karen Ryce Presents Karen Ryce Presents Copyright (c) 2011, 2012, 2014 All Rights Reserved Karen Ryce Presents retains all copyrights in any text, graphic images, and software owned by Karen Ryce Presents and hereby authorizes you to electronically copy documents published herein solely for the purpose of transmitting or viewing the information. You may not mirror, modify or otherwise alter any files in this newsletter for rebroadcast, or print the information contained therein, without written permission from Karen Ryce. Except as expressly provided above, nothing contained herein shall be construed as conferring any license or right under any Karen Ryce Presents copyright, patent or trademark. All transmissions of any of the information in this newsletter must include this paragraph and the following link: http://www.happykidsco.com |
| Video Helps You Avoid Having To Deal With Tantrums Avoiding Tantrums Hi -- Understanding why kids throw tantrums, and taking a few simple steps, can help you and your kids avoid tantrums completely, while still getting your needs met, and theirs too... Click Here To Watch Video... May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
| See How Easy It Is To Use "End Conflict NOW!" "It Does Seem Like A Miracle!" End Conflict NOW! In Action...Fast...Easy... Hi -- I'd been invited to mediate an End Conflict NOW! Session with a group of four girls at a Montessori school. The adults have been having trouble with these girls for four years. Nothing they did stopped the trouble. I just want to share a brief vision of what happened at the session we had on Tuesday following the Training. Their teacher was part of it, mostly as a witness. I facilitated. The girls did most of the work, including being willing to participate. Our first task was to define the problem. In the beginning there seemed to be a number of problems. I asked them if we could decide on one to start with. They could not. They got it to 2 main problems. I suggested that we go through the process, starting with brainstorming for solutions for both problems. Then I briefly outlined the steps, emphasizing that we would find something that worked for all of them. With this understanding, they did what any Montessori child does who understands a relevant presentation ...they took over! They went to the back of the room and came back with the request that they could act out the problem. So they did. Then they wanted to act out the situation "the right way." After this they agreed that they no longer felt bad about what had happened several years ago. Their teacher and I got to whisper briefly to each other and agreed that neither of us would have thought of such a solution. Their teacher was delighted with how happy the girls were during this process. She said, "It does seem like a miracle." They did this process for a number of incidents, even continuing outside after the other students returned. Then they were done. None of them felt like doing anymore on this. Sound familiar? I was thinking that we didn't even go through the whole strategy. It was more like working with three-year-olds who understand quickly that the solution to the problem they were having was to find something that they both agreed on. That's what I think happened with these girls. They jumped right to the solution. Actually, that is what happens with everyone after they understand the purpose of this strategy. They have learned that there is a mutually agreeable solution and they get to it as quickly as possible so they can get on with what they want to do. May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Click Button Below. Immerse Yourself...In Happy Kids Site! Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
A Habit To Heal Disobedience Hi -- It also happens that often "disobedience" is also based on misunderstanding. Either your child did not understand what you meant...or you did not understand that what they did really satisfied your request... because they did it in a way that you did not expect ...or think of. Here again, in these situations, once you accurately understand each other's meaning... there is no conflict! May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
| Make This A Habit: Be Clearly Informative...Heal The Cause Of Conflict A Habit To Heal The Cause Of Conflict Hi -- When we have differences with our kids and do not know how to resolve them in a humane and peaceful manner, the Invisible Root Cause comes into the picture and conflict develops. The Invisible Root Cause is the cause of the troubles, problems and struggles that develop between kids and adults. It's the belief that because you are the adult, you get to have things just the way you have thought of having them, without any consideration necessary for the kids involved. It's bound to create conflict. Out of the situation of conflict spring all the struggles that develop between adults and kids. Your new habit of being informative is just part of healing the Invisible Root Cause, but it's a very important part. It can cause "seeming conflicts" to vanish when it turns out they are based on misunderstandings. To discover the other part of healing the Invisible Root Cause, watch the webinar, "Raise Happy Kids" The other part is being committed to finding win-win solutions to conflicts. Click on the link to find a rare treat...a chance to watch the webinar for free! May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
