| Karen Ryce Presents... |
| Power of Respect Mini-Course Lesson Four: Whose Problem Is It? Written Version |
| Lesson Four Whose Problem Is It? Ground Rules: Whose problem is it? Just because something is a problem for one person, does not mean that it is a problem for everyone. Once you become comfortable with thinking of this aspect of problems, it makes things much clearer. Sometimes arguments develop because this distinction is not made and one person is arguing that this issue means nothing to them. Making this distinction prevents this confusion. You can also invite the person to a session by saying, “I have a problem and I need your help to solve it. Would you please help me?” People are much more likely to keep in a positive frame of mind if they are helping you with your problem than if they think you are saying they are having a problem, when that issue does not cause them a problem. So, be sure to write down whose problem it is. Grandmother/Grandson Session Continued... “Now we have to decide who is having a problem with this homework issue. I know I am.” “I’m not. I don’t think I have to do homework.” (here again, keep on the task; if you get into this discussion right now, you might never get through this; you can discuss it during negotiation, if necessary) “Ok. So I’ll write that this is my problem.” “Yeah, that’s good.” Family Session Continued... “Next we have to write down whose problem this is.” “What do you mean?” “Well, may not everyone has a problem about Gabby’s going or not.” “I sure don’t.” “Ok, Max, we won’t write down that this is a problem for you. I have a problem with her not going, but her father and I talked earlier and he doesn’t have a problem whether she goes or stays either. Gabby has a problem about going with us. What about you Crystal?” “I really want Gabby to go.” Ok. So Gabby, Crystal and I are having problems with this issue. So I’ll put down our names.” |
